so, i miss this space — and i’m a big believer that our lives are a reflection of our priorities — and that fundamentally we all get 24 hours and lots of choices about how we spend that time. i’m also totally over being “so busy” or worshiping it or stressing about it or talking about it — i’ve found it’s not a fun way to be yourself or fun to be around. i also feel like with little ones, that’s not what i want them to be taking away about the pace of our family’s life (ellie’s favorite time increment to use with me is “one second!” “one second mommy!” — they can give you such a gut check on how you talk about your own life!). so, this post is going to be a meandering look at where i am in life and how i’m trying to get to a place where i have more space for the people and things that matter the most to me — writing here being among them.
i feel like i keep coming back to the quote “it’s ok to be happy with a calm life.” i read that quote and i immediately want to give it a double high five, an emphatic yes, a strong head nod — and then i pause for a moment and think — “how on earth do you get there and stay there for any length of time?!!!” sure, there are moments when i’m reading with ellie in her teepee and am totally at peace, present in the moment, temporarily not thinking about dinner or laundry or emails or bills or where we need to be next. there are moments when ryan and i are sitting on the porch, lost in conversation, and i’m not, in the back of my mind thinking about how we need to do the dishes, or put away the laundry or get to bed because that little one is going to be up and at ‘em SO soon! there are days when i’m better about giving myself permission to take a nap and more grace that even if it doesn’t feel like my body is doing anything — it’s growing a little one and that act is often unseen, very hard work. there are times when i’m more present with my friends — not multitasking while we’re on the phone or delaying writing an email i know i need to send or putting off coffee because i “don’t have time."